Six Myths about Grief
When a person is grieving, people will try to comfort them by saying ďDonít feel badĒ. Do these sounds familiar to you?
Donít feel bad, sheís in a better place.
Donít feel bad, at least they didnít suffer.
Donít feel bad, he lived a long life.
This statement is actually dismissing the personís feelings. It suggests that what the grieving person is feeling is wrong. It does not change the feelings that the person is having. The grieving person will have these feelings no matter what you say to them.
ďThe single largest source of emotional confusion in our society stems from the patently false idea that we somehow should not allow ourselves to experience sad, painful, or negative feelings.
Imagine is the situation was reversed and people told you not to feel good.
††††††††††††††††††††††† Donít feel good, youíll do terrible next time.
††††††††††††††††††††††† Donít feel good; remember the divorce rate is 50 percent.
††††††††††††††††††††††† Donít feel good; things are going to get worse.
When people are grieving over the loss of a cherished possession, pet, or the end of a relationship, the advice given is typically to replace the loss.
When a pet dies, many people dismiss it as not being that important. You can just replace it with another pet, right? Anyone whoís ever had a pet they loved would say that statement couldnít be further from the truth. Replacing the loss is like replacing the relationship you had. It is not possible to replace a relationship.
Everyone remember their first love and how the relationship ended. At one point or another, everyone deals with the loss of a relationship. After a break up, many of us are told ďDonít feel bad, there are plenty of fish in the sea.Ē Were basically being told, once again, to replace the loss.